Thursday, January 1, 2015

Unhappy Fucking New Years!

          If I were to be blunt, about the only reason I never killed myself is because of how it would negatively affect others. Not a day goes by in the last two years where I didn't wish I was dead. I absolutely despise the human race and this shitty fucking country, and wish it would be abolished. I fantasize about death on a daily basis, whether it be my future death or just morbid thoughts of death in general...which is probably a good indication of why every game I want to make someday would be extremely violent. I'm the type of person that's disappointed whenever I hear abortion rates are going down. Why? Because I'm the type of person that want those rates to rise. The more abortions, the better. I don't know if a fetus is a life or potential for life, but if it is considered a life, I'm glad. Because then every abortion is the termination of a living baby and that sounds great to me.

          So why am I saying these horrible things? Because some people think I'm easy to offend. This has happened repeatedly this year and I'm not sure what to do about it. Anyone who knows me well knows I'm like a brick wall when it comes to offending me. Yet lots of people who don't know me well assume I'm the fucking opposite. Do I come across as the squeamish type to strangers? Is it my feminine/flamboyant traits that make some people assume I'm a pansy? Is it the fact I suffer from depression? I have no clue. Do I need to start wearing offensive t-shirts like a shirt with the twin towers falling down with the caption, "HA HA EXPLOSIONS!"? Do I need to purposely make myself out to be a total asshole to anyone that hardly knows me? Am I not vulgar enough? What the FUCKING HELL?

          Maybe someday I'll offend some prideful schmuck and he'll fucking shoot me because he doesn't like what I have to say. If that were to happen, I hope it kills me because then I wouldn't have to deal with society anymore. I'm certainly never going to kill myself, but while I'm on this shitty planet, I might as well attempt to make the best of my lousy existence. But at least I'm useful at times and will aim to achieve my "realistic" dreams instead of being all, "bah hum bog, that's too hard", and accomplishment nothing worthwhile.

          If your view of me was hurt from this status update or you now have a negative view of me, good. Because I'll take that any day over someone thinking the stupidest remarks will hurt my wittle feelings. Quite honestly, I'm not sure if I would identify myself as a horrible person because I generally define those people by their actions, not their opinions. But if I am a horrible person, I am proud of it. Because despite my many faults, I am proud of who I am. I may be potentially psychopathic and severely depressed, but I've worked hard to be where I am today. Granted, I'll probably die alone but I accept that, because I'd rather be who I want to be than be more traditionally attractive or decent as a human being. Unhappy fucking New Years everyone! Unhappy fucking New Years!