Tuesday, December 31, 2013

My top ten most listened to artists in 2012 for overall song plays...wait, it almost 2014.

I meant to make this post in early January and forgot.

1. Lily Allen (1,229 plays)
2. Genesis (1,130 plays)
3. Naofumi Hataya (449 plays)
4. Rémi Gazel & VA (448 plays)
5. Gotye (404 plays)
6. Masafumi Ogata (319 plays)
7. Richard Jacques (288 plays)
8. Jun Senoue (258 plays)
9. Secret Chiefs 3 (230 plays)
10. Daft Punk (214 plays)

Quite honestly, I didn't care to write about it so I forgot to make this post. But it's less than six hours before the new year so I might as well post it now. Just looking over this list, it's clear I listened to a lot of video game music that year. Only reason I have so many plays for Rémi Gazel & VA is because of an hour long soundtrack to Rayman 1 that has 73 tracks. >_> I also listened to a lot of Lily Allen and Genesis.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Some Revealing Confessions Part 1

I don't look forward to my future, but I look forward to entertainment.

Without technology, I would have little reason to live.

A lot of the time I look happy and laughing, deep down a part of me just wants to fucking die.

Suicide is on my mind constantly.

I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder Moderate, without Psychotic Features.

I'm sick of people suggesting medication (or substances) to deal with my depression.

Most of the time I drink alcohol or eat pepperoni pizza, I'm filled with guilt the next day.

This is because my view of drugs is very negative and I view eating meat as immoral.

Yet I'm the absolute happiest and carefree when I'm drunk.

But that's partially because alcohol exaggerates my emotions to the extreme.

The other reason is that Drunk William generally doesn't care about many things.

Sober William, on the other hand, is bothered by a lot of things.

Whenever someone I know lies to benefit in some way, it sickens me (with few exceptions).

I'm far more judgmental of others than people realize, but I'm the harshest toward myself.

I aim to be a "decent person", but I view myself rottenly.

Telling me I'm a "good person" is likely to piss me off.

You have absolutely no idea how rotten my mentality can get.

Humans are cruel and I'm no exception.

I hate being human and I hate existence.

I despise the human sex drive and hormones.

Abortions should be more socially acceptable.

I wish I was aborted.

I wish I was never born.

I wish I wasn't alive.


But I'm stuck here.

And I'll be stuck here for a long, long, long time...

Living an undesirable future in a world I'd like an escape from.

I don't look forward to my future and hopefully you now have some insight as to why.

Sorry for worrying so many of you, but holding this all in would strengthen my desire to die.


Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Future Plans

This message was made for both my blog and my Facebook account.

          I made an important decision last night that will have a major impact to my academic future. I'm taking a year off from school. I've been going to college for almost five years now and I need a break from the stress of school for the sake of my sanity. I've been dealing with massive depression issues for over a year and half and my education has been a major factor in that. Not to worry you guys, but suicidal urges are nearly a daily struggle for me. It terrifies me and needs to be dealt with. I feel bad whenever I mention stuff like that on Facebook but honesty and openness helps me a lot in tackling problems.

          While this decision will delay my plans of going to a university, I feel it's the best decision I made in a long time. My parents are being very support (I love them so much) and a break from school should make me a happier person that's less suicidal. Also hopeful this year off will make me a better student once I go back to school. I've been on burn out for over two years now and I used to be a much better student three years ago. I'd love to be as dedicated to my education as I used to be...

          In the mean time, I'm continuing two of my classes but I'm dropping Art 104. While I put good effort in Design 1 and Basic Photography, I slacked off with my art history class and felt I would fail today's test. By dropping this class, it allows me to focus more on my other classes and my Rayman review. For those wondering what I would be doing for over a year if I'm not in school, I plan to work hard on my review series and treat it like a full time job. If finances get too rough, I would definitely look into getting a normal job. I hope you all understand why I made this very difficult decision and thank you for taking the time to read this message. I really appreciate it.