Saturday, August 25, 2012

A Message for Sonic Retro

          It's been over four months since I've been given a permanent ban on Sonic Retro. As much as I hate to admit this (especially since it sounds so goddamn pathetic), I feel like the quality of my life and my overall happiness has decreased since that happened. Prior to my ban, I spent many hours on that site each week. It's one of my favorite sites on the web and I felt like there was much I got out of it. Not only do I find the discussions and community really entertaining, but I learned a lot about the Sonic franchise, found out a ton of gaming news that I otherwise might've never noticed, learned quite a bit about game design, and some of the feedback I got about my Sonic sprite was beyond helpful. Not to mention I made some great friends, including Kaze (AKA Volpino on Retro) who is now one of my best friends. It's unlikely I would've ever met her or any of my other friends from Retro if I was never part of the site.

          Retro became an important part of my life and being thrown out of the community over an incident that occurred on April 21st has created a void in my life that I cannot seem to fill. In these past four months, I've paid attention to more gaming websites and searched for other forums to become part of, yet I can't find a suitable replacement or replacements for Sonic Retro. There's something about that site I just find extremely special. Nearly every other forum I used to be really active on is either dead or offline, so being banned also had the unfortunate side effect of having a forum addict like myself without a forum to really go to. There is Insomniac Flames (which is another site I love), but it's offline so much that its stability is poor and its activity is very inconsistent.

          There's also the issue of how all of this affected my mentality. I'm not a happy person and being banned from Retro hurt my view of myself. Lots of people have tried to convince me it's irrational to think less of myself over my forum ban, but I can't help it. Even though the rule I violated was mostly because of an interpretation of a rule as opposed to its strict wording, I feel like I really fucked up because my common sense is so horrible. Anyone with great common sense probably would've realized what I said could've backfired on me, but my tired self thought what I was saying was fine. Clearly I was wrong. A shame too since I tried to be a good member and had no prior offenses that I know of prior to posting about wanting Sonic 4: Episode II beta torrents. A few weeks after my ban, I did find out from Guess Who that ScaredSun sent me a warning to stop asking for torrents but I never received a pm about the warning or noticed the warning at all. If I saw that warning, I would've immediately stopped asking for torrents of the beta and been extremely careful for the rest of that morning.

          When Sonic Retro's Amnesty Week was announced, I felt this was going to be my only chance to get back on the site. I put a lot of effort into the lyrics I wrote for Amnesty Week (including the fact I rewrote what I had from scratch a few times), but I guess my entry didn't help matters seeing as it's almost two months since I entered it and I'm still a misfit. While I originally kept the lyrics private from the public (because I find the lyrics humiliating), I feel I should include them in this blog entry.

Banned from a forum I love
Over some posts I'm not proud of.
Foolishly asking questions I should not have said,
Should've shown more restraint instead of sticking out my head.

Though my actions weren't ill intended,
I misinterpreted rule sixteen and what it attempted.
You're friendly with SEGA and don't want that destroyed,
By a troublesome poster asking for links to a beta.

While asking for links isn't specifically stated,
Piracy isn't condoned and no linking is mentioned.
Should've gotten the message that asking was implied.
Learned my lesson too late; am I a misfit for life?

I apologize for what I've done,
What I did was pretty dumb.
If I could do it all over again,
I would not have angered the Sun.

This experience has bettered my knowledge of the rules.
Now I understand they're based off of staff interpretation.
If I'm allowed back, I'll be far more careful on what I say.
I'll never break rule sixteen again.

I apologize for what I've done,
What I did was pretty dumb.
If I could do it all over again,
I would not have angered the Sun.

          While I understand there are some serious inconsistencies with the lyrics (mostly involving rhyme), I tried to follow the Amnesty Week guidelines the best I could by striking a balance between showing the message I wanted to send out and trying to make the lyrics not god awful. If one of the staff members could tell me what aspect(s) of these lyrics prevented me from proving myself that I learned my lesson, that would be great because I tried my best to not offend or upset any staff members while still maintaining my sincere honesty of the circumstances.

          My big question to the staff (more specifically ScaredSun) is what do you recommend I do? If it's to give up on ever being allowed back, that will take many, many years. My 2006 ban from the Insomniac Games Forum definitely did not affect me as badly as my ban from Retro yet I didn't really get over that ban until their administration finally unbanned me earlier this year. By then however, the company who created that forum and the community were so different compared to how they were in early 2006 that it doesn't even feel like the same site to me. I'm not even a fan of any games IG made this generation where as I'm still idiotically obsessed with the Sonic franchise and Sonic Retro is hands down the best Sonic site out there for various reasons. It also has one of the only Sonic forums I can find that I like. If a staff member were to dig deep into my history on Retro, the post I made so I could be activated mentioned that I was trying to find a good Sonic forum and wanted to become a member of the community because Sonic Retro seemed like it had a nice site. Little did I realize I would become so attached to the site only to fuck everything up years later...


Friday, August 17, 2012

Fuck Christianity!

          Not to sound like an asshole but I just don't understand why so many people are religious. Like so many people feel there just has to be some kind of higher power out there but if God created mankind (under the Christian religion), he created a pretty fucked up society. He purposely made us not perfect while also giving us unrealistic expectations that we're supposed to follow while giving people absolutely no proof he even exists. Yet despite there being no proof he exists, a lot of people rely on their religious faith with huge expectations on the afterlife and basing their entire moral structure on what their religion tells them to believe.

          I absolutely hate religion and if God exists as he's portrayed, I fucking hate him. I hate him for creating this horrible society and for his unrealistic expectations that he bestowed onto mankind. I hate him for the massive amount of brainwashing religion has done to critical thinking among many ignorant people who rely on religion to tell them what to think. I hate him for some of the moral teachings I strongly disagree with. I hate him for many things and you should hate him too if you believe in the Bible because God is horrible under how he's portrayed. Yet a lot of people pray to him or "speak" with him as if he's this amazing thing that will make things all better when his record shows he'll probably do jackshit to make your life or anyone else's any better.

          I fucking hate God and religion. I probably shouldn't have made this status update (this was originally posted on Facebook) but I just don't care at the moment. It makes absolutely no sense to me that so many people believe in Christianity when a lot of it sounds like absolute nonsense to me. But of course, expressing that view in that way seems crude and mean. But it's my honest view. I generally try to be nice on the subject of religion, but Christianity makes no sense to me and how that religion dictates a lot of our country's politics absolutely disgusts me. I'm a hardcore liberal who's an agnostic atheist and proud of it. Fuck religion.

          Apologizes to all who are offended by this but I don't see why I shouldn't state views like this on my Facebook page. I constantly see religious status updates acting like there has to be a God and that Christianity is the way to live a moral lifestyle as if my morality is inferior because I don't believe in God which pisses me off. My morality is not perfect and I'm certainly not a great person by any means, but I hate it when a lot of religious people act like you need to believe in God or else your morality will suffer a lot. It's like under the view of many, we need the fear of God in us or else society will go to shit. Well, if society is THAT fucked up, then maybe the higher being that created such a horrible society SHOULDN'T BE FUCKING WORSHIPED!


Thursday, July 12, 2012

I wish I was never born.

I do not like myself or the world I live in and wish I was never part of it. If I had a choice on whether or not I would have ever been born, I would've chosen to never exist but I didn't have that option and neither does anyone else. I understand that I had a pretty decent impact on some people's lives (both positive and negative) but having no impact from never being born sounds a lot better to me since reality fucking sucks and I'm a pathetic human being.

I honestly don't understand why a lot of people like being my friend. I'm a whiny fucking bitch with an unpleasant personality. I generally try to be a nice guy but deep down I can't help but feel like I'm total fucking asshole. I think on the negative constantly and I'm probably way too blunt. While I acknowledge I'm too harsh on myself, I can't help it. I just fucking hate who I am and have for a very long time. I have been trying to improve a lot lately on trying to be less harsh but I somehow managed to hurt my head around ten times (so far) tonight out of pure anger. I rarely hurt my head on purpose anymore yet I totally lost it tonight. At one point, I even hurt my jaw. What the fuck is wrong with me?

While I am an agnostic that leans toward atheism, if it turns out there is a god, fuck you god(s). Fuck you for being responsible for my existence and for creating this rotten planet. I don't care if there is a heave or hell. If I end up burning for these statements someday, so be it. Hell is a pretty horrifying concept and if it exists under how it's portrayed in Christianity, then God is worse than any human being who has walked on the earth for creating such unrealistic expectations in avoiding damnation. Fuck your flawed Christian morals and everything you stand for. If you somehow exist, fuck you God. Fuck you for everything.

Maybe tomorrow (technically today) I'll feel a lot better and feel dumb for even posting this but in meantime, I'm in a pretty bleak headspace and plan to go to bed after writing this since I feel too depressed to do much more tonight other than laying down and trying to sleep. Not to mention my sleep schedule has been trashy lately and really needs to improve. Anyways, goodnight. -_-


Friday, June 22, 2012

One of my neighbor's wonderful now dead. R.I.P. Smokey! :(

Oh my god, I just found out my neighbor's cat Smokey died. My idiot neighbor who owned her didn't fix his cats at all and she ended up having a ridiculous amount of kittens which probably killed her. The stupid fucker thinks she just "got old". I doubt she was even three years old and now that cat is fucking dead because that irresponsible asshat didn't take good care of his cats. He probably has over fifteen cats now and I doubt any of them have gotten their shots.

My neighbor's cat Boots (who I adore) is now thin as hell but to my neighbor, Boots is just "getting old". My parents recently started feeding him because we're so damn concerned about the poor cat and Boots is already starting to look better. We're terribly concerned Boots might have feline leukemia and for all we know, Smokey might have died from feline leukemia as well. Fucking hate irresponsible pet owners. Fix your goddamn cats and make sure they get their damn shots. I'm heartbroken that Smokey is dead. R.I.P. Smokey. In memory of her, here's some photos.

A rare photo of Smokey and Nahla together. Both cats were Russian Blues and neither liked each other. Nahla was to the left and Smokey was the cat to the right. This photo was taken in January 2011.

A photo of Smokey pregnant with her first litter alongside Boots. This was taken March 2011.

Taken sometime after giving birth to some wonderful kittens back in May 2011.

Both photos were taken after Smokey had her second litter back in October 2011. Poor cat.

One of the last photos I ever took of her. I took this picture in November 2011. What a beautiful cat she was...


Saturday, May 19, 2012

Consequences from a drunk decision.

Edit: I'm going to need to replace the layout of this blog with something else that works better with large images. For now, I just recommend clicking on the image.

I figure this is worth bringing up.

I had a bad night nine days ago and thanks to that drunk decision, now my rl friends know about my blog and this site. A couple of my rl friends (Nick and Alex) actually read my entire WACHROO blog. While I'm a very open person and Nick already knew about Insomniac Flames, I do feel I lost some sort of outlet because I used to write stuff on my blog solely for my online friends. Nothing against my rl friends and acquaintances, but I do feel like I need to be more careful about what I say for now on. Probably a good thing (especially since I realized that night I hate keeping secrets about myself), but it's just a weird adjustment.

To be honest, I don't really regret linking to my WACHROO blog and Insomniac Flames. I've just become a really open person about myself and don't really care if some rl friends end up getting bothered by what I write on the internet. Up to them if they want to look up stuff about myself. My view is that it's up to them if they want to delve far into my history on the web. No-one's history is perfect. I've had my fair share of good and bad moments, and a lot of those moments are documented on the web.

Edit 2: I decided to remove part of this blog entry due to certain circumstances.


Tuesday, April 24, 2012

I haven't been doing well lately.

This blog post was intended and made for my Personal Blog from Insomniac Flames.
Also, Insomniac Flames is currently down so lololololol. Good thing I have WACHROO. >_>

Ever since I made that large blog entry, I've been very mentally unstable. It has taken me a long time to start liking myself but I finally started achieving that earlier this year around January and February. That is partially due to the fact I recently became part of a group of friends. Since a lot of those people have a really high view of me, it has made me feel a lot better about myself.

Lately however, things have been going to fucking shit again. I really hoped my new major would work out but I probably failed my second test in my Fundamental of Programming class and programming is just getting too damn hard for me to be able to figure stuff out. I've also grown to kind of hate programming so clearly my new major was a bust, but worth trying. What really fucking sucks is that I started attending Cal Poly last Fall but dropped out because my Political Science major didn't work out and they wouldn't let me switch to Computer Science. A month before I made my decision to leave the college, congress dicked around people's futures and made it where financial aid now only covers six years of education, not nine. This means there is now no way in hell I'll be able to finish my education without getting into a massive debt since I'm currently in my 4th year of my education...AT FUCKING COMMUNITY COLLEGE!

Late last year, I made a topic on Sonic Retro called "Retro, I'm in a terrible bind with my education." I got some decent advice from one guy. He brought up that since I already have my AA degree, some universities would be willing to accept students even if they're applying under a major different from what they got their AA degree for. Sadly, he told me this the day after the deadline for university signups. What shitty luck. Not much else happened in the thread until many months later. I bumped the topic last week with an explanation about what has happened since then and how my major didn't work out at all. I got a variety of advice and this one from Sonic Retro's site owner was probably the best advice I've gotten since I've bumped the topic.
"I'm actually going to offer the opposite advice from everyone else here: go do a bunch of things you've never done before or never thought you'd be interested in doing. Give yourself permission to go try something you otherwise might not, and just...dick around with new stuff for a while. You'd be surprised what you discover—for instance, I found out last weekend I really enjoy hanging out with old British dudes talking about obscure vehicles and racing down hills. I don't think that would have even occurred to me as a hobby, let alone one that I'd want to do once a month, if I hadn't just tried it on a whim.

Take an African history course! Make a cake or try sewing something! Paint a picture or a house or your face! Go to a protest! Do what the fuck ever crosses your mind as interesting that you haven't done!

People lock themselves into hobbies as identities sometimes, and it can be so freeing to not do what you feel you're "good" at." -Scarred Sun
While good advice, I can't really experiment with classes anymore thanks to congress's changes to financial aid. Then when it comes to other things, I'm definitely going to try to do things outside of my norm (largely to broaden my limited interests) but my current academic situation is quite awful. I have no idea what to do with my future. I want to make video games as a career choice but I'm too terrible at programming for that aspect of game design to work and I don't know what other majors I could go into that would help me get into the gaming industry. I'm mostly interested in things like level design, coming up with level based gimmicky, etc. Unfortunately, positions like that are difficult to gain. While I have more interest in creating indie games than I do in taking part of mainstream video game development, it's kind of hard to make good indie games if you aren't a decent programmer or artist.

Besides just career and academic related stuff, I recently started to think less of my myself again and have been a lot more fragile. This started when I wrote my previous blog entry. Bringing back all of those memories and putting them together in a really large blog entry put some of those things into a different perspective. A very negative, emotionally painful perspective. I hate who I was so much and have made so many awful decisions. I was such an idiot back then and I still feel like a complete fucking moron. A large part of why I've been so fragile is because I feel like such a goddamn idiot all the time and I hate it. Some events that happened a few of days ago have not helped my view of my intelligence.

I am permanently banned from Sonic Retro (unless an admin at Retro changes their mind). I've been posting there for over two years and I don't think I have gotten in trouble with the site staff at all until a recent idiot move on my part. A beta for Sonic 4: Episode 2 leaked early on Steam because either some person at SEGA or Steam fucked up. This made me want to play the beta so I asked some people on the site if they could upload game on torrents or something else. Probably my most memorable post of the bunch was "Great sir, would you be kind enough to upload the game files on a torrent site?" The site owner was not pleased and permanently banned me for asking for torrent files of the beta. While there isn't a written rule in the official rule list explicitly stating that asking for something like that is against the rules, linking to stuff like that is definitely a major rule breaker.
"16. Do not link to final copies of games. Do not link to prototypes before the final game is released.

Under no circumstances should you post links to final copies of games, be they old Genesis games or something that has just come out. We do not condone piracy—period. In regards to prototypes, do not link to prototypes before a game is complete, and as a general rule wait until after a few months. It'll still be there when we can handle it without getting yelled at." -Scarred Sun
With this rule in mind, most people would view it as a "common sense rule" to not ask for things like torrents of an unreleased game but I have garbage common sense. When I was a mod on Insomniac Flames in the past, a large reason why there was such an issue when it came to the "no porn" rule was that I absolutely had to moderate a website in a very black and white fashion when it came to what was and wasn't allowed. Some people felt some of the images I threw in hide tags or links was over censorship. That's probably true, but my common sense was too poor to determine what should've been considered acceptable and I'm still in a similar situation. I rely on what's specifically stated to not be allowed. Unfortunately for me, my poor common sense skills have caused me to be permanently banned from one of my favorite websites on the internet because I suck at following rules that rely on common sense.

The site has brought me a lot of happiness and brings me hours upon hours of entertainment every week. While I can still visit the main site and lurk as a guest (I'm not IP banned), there's several boards I frequent that only registered members can visit and I post there all of the time. I love creating new discussions, taking part in discussions that interest me, and trying to be helpful. For some recent examples, there's one thread I created that inspired four rom hacks and I love giving suggestions in threads on what to do for certain projects.

I also want to create a Sonic fangame. I've found some of the site discussions to be influential and I definitely want to promote whatever I make on Retro. It would feel kind of pointless to bother making a Sonic fangame if I can't even post about it on the only big Sonic forum I've ever cared about. Not to mention the site was also very helpful when it came to help for the sprite in my sig and I was going to post a lot of fangame related sprites so I can get suggestions on how to improve the game's art.

Call it pathetic, but I've been insanely depressed over my permanent ban and it has lowered my view of myself. I feel what has happened just reinforces the fact I'm a complete moron. The fact my stupidity has caused me to get permanently banned from the website has made me so fucking mad that it makes me go to places in my head where I want to die simply because I hate being so goddamn dumb. I got so goddamn angry while talking to snake last night that there was one instance where I totally lost control and punched my skull four times really hard. I used to hurt my head all of the time as a way to deal with shit as a punishment toward myself. I have not done something like that in a really long time so I'm very mad that even happened.

While I thought I got rid of most of my strong suicidal desires that I gained last December, a lot of those tendencies started to come back on the week I made my previous blog entry. By Sunday night of that week (I consider Monday the start of every week), I was in such a fucked up state that I felt like I could barely function. I turned off my computer to work on homework, but all I did afterwards was sit in my chair for 90 minutes. I spent that time staring at a wall, shook a bit, and went in a sort of mental rage over how much I hate who I am. For reference, that was the day a bunch of you guys teased me with your "wacist" jokes. I was very fragile that day and not feeling myself. The jokes didn't help.

When I was at my most suicidal last December, I felt so bad for snake. When I admitted to him that I was "seriously considering suicide" sometime before he was going to go to bed, he cancelled going to work that day and some other plans to spend around six hours trying to talk me out of killing myself. Since my mom was going to be out of town, I planned on going to a local train station that weekend and letting a train destroy my skull. I figured the chance of survival would be low so it seemed like a good idea to me. Thankfully, snake talked me out of it at the time.

The only people I originally talked to on IMs about it were just snake and Kaze because I didn't feel like telling anyone else that I desired death. Since I was feeling desperate however, I did make a post about it on Retro in a topic about suicide. I'd quote what I said, but I can't since I'm banned and can't access the topic in Firefox's offline mode. I don't remember the details, but I remember posting my plan on how I wanted to kill myself and essentially asked them for advice on my situation. If Insomniac Flames was online, would I have posted about it? I don't know. A large reason why I began to view my intelligence in such a low light was because of some people from this community. In the past, I've taken a lot of insults very literally. It generally doesn't bug me and it often makes me laugh, but it can affect me a lot worse when I'm in a less stable state or when I'm constantly being reminded that I'm a fucking idiot. In other words, you guys sometimes made me feel like shit about myself.

I honestly don't know what to do. I'm so mentally unstable that I could want nothing but death, but then feel somewhat normal an hour later. Part of me just wants to give up and end my life. Another part of me really wants to make something of myself and do things worth being remembered for. I feel very conflicted and not well in the head. I originally started going to counseling when I was attending Cal Poly, but that ended sometime before I began to view suicide as a viable option. Personally, I didn't find the professional help all that helpful but I only saw the person about 3 or 4 times.

Just to give you guys an idea of how fucked I am in the head, last night I thought of possibly going someplace obscure and slitting my throat. If that failed to kill me, just wait for my body to die from not drinking enough liquids. Maybe I'm being over dramatic but that suicide plan seemed like a good alternative to my previous plan when I thought about that option. Hopefully I won't make a stupid decision like that someday, but who knows when I'm in a state like that. I'm fucking nuts.


Monday, April 9, 2012

A retrospective look of my K-12 academic history and my social life (pre-college).

For those who don't know, Insomniac Flames came back recently after being gone for over two years. This also means my Personal Blog has returned. In celebration, I have made this extremely long blog post that is easily the longest thing I have ever written. Enjoy.

Table of Contents
· 1. First Half of Kindergarten - Rough Beginnings (1995-1996)
· 2. Early Grade School Years - Poinsettia Elementary School (1996-2000)
· 3. Later Grade School Years - Marry Peacock Elementary School (2000-2002)
· 4. Middle School Years - Beginning of Homeschool (2002-2004)
· 5. Early High School Years - UYA Era, Bitches (2004-2005)
· 6. Later High School Years - My Return to Public Education (2006-2008)
· 7. Later High School Years...Online - Not Pretty (2006-2008)

1. First Half of Kindergarten - Rough Beginnings (1995-1996)

When I was growing up, I was kind of slow. A lot of aspects of my development like my speech skills were noticeably delayed compared to a lot of kids. It was to such a degree that when I was around five years old, I once asked my mom, "Why don't I talk like the other kids?" Thanks to my slowness and admittedly some behavior issues, I was thrown into special ed while in kindergarten. It was terrible. I was living in a boatyard at the time and because of the way the school was setup, there was a separate playground for special ed kids. In all of my years of my education, never again did I feel so separated from what were essentially the normal kids. Not to mention the playground for special ed kids was practically nonexistent. Just barely anything compared to what the other kids had and what I used to have. Perhaps one of the reasons the special ed kids were separated was due to behavior reasons. My behavior wasn't very good and I frequently got in trouble for not following my teacher's directions. I never was a violent kid, but I made dick decisions and sometimes felt like disobeying. I don't know how bad my behavior was, but I do remember a few instances where she was really annoyed like this one time where I refused to take a nap during nap time. >_> She was not happy that day.

Academics aside, I did enjoy my early childhood and I have a lot of great memories from ages 3-5 but there were some serious issues. I was moving to a new location around every year which meant there was a severe lack of stability in where I lived. Didn't help there were a couple of times where my family was stuck living on my dad's small boat. The combination of that with my mom's alcoholism caused quite a lot of drama and made matters much worse than they should have been. While I don't have a ton of memories of her drinking, she sounded pretty out of control from what my dad has indicated. I do remember one night where he told me to get away from my mom by standing having me behind him because she was acting so awful. I don't remember much more from that night other than my dad sounding insanely pissed and my mom looking nuts. She also used to throw up a ton and I missed living in a house.

2. Early Grade School Years - Poinsettia Elementary School (1996-2000)

Things did start to look up in the following year. On January 16th, 1996, my mom quit drinking and stayed sober until late December 2008. My dad also sold his boat, got a job at a boatyard, and we lived at a house again. It was a small house and our place was attached to another home, but it sure beat living on that boat. I started going to kindergarten at a much better school and was actually making friends. I started first grade at a different school (Poinsettia Elementary School) but for whatever reason, much of the students who went to kindergarten with me also went to first grade at that different school too which was nice.

The special ed classrooms for grades 1 through 4 were structured pretty well. In a lot of subjects, students were often split up into three different groups based off of our grade and/or skill level in a subject. Classrooms also had two different grades of students in each class so the grade difference wasn't too bad, especially with the setup. Early on, one of the teachers I had realized I was much better at math than any of the other students so in third grade, I was mainstreamed in math. This allowed me to leave my special ed class for part of the day to go to a normal classroom for that subject. I did very well in that class and continued to do well in math for 4th grade as well. Since a lot of people who are good at math are also good at science, they mainstreamed me in that subject too. This is ironic in retrospect because science is now my worst subject. -_- By 4th grade, one student was surprised I had so much homework. This made made realize that I had way more homework than anyone else in that class and yet some of the students were a grade level higher.

While I was doing better academically overtime and felt challenged but not too challenged, my social life was getting worse. In 3rd grade, I was friends with literally everyone in my class. In 4th grade, I had barely any friends to the point where I once cried over it on the playground. One of my favorite friends (Ritchie) that I knew since kindergarten grew to dislike me overtime, a lot of my friends switched to a different school (my mom fought hard to keep me at Poinsettia Elementary School), and some other friends turned on me as well. None of the kids who turned on me were people I knew as long as Ritchie, but it still sucked. Weirdly enough, the only one of my kindergarten friends who was still going to the same school as me but didn't turn on me was my friend Kevin. He originally wasn't one of my favorite friends but we became better friends overtime and I sometimes defended him even when I knew he was wrong. Like one day when some kids were telling him Santa wasn't real and I defended his viewpoint just to be nice despite how embarrassing that was.

By 4th grade, I still wasn't a great kid by any means though. I have absolutely no idea why, but a lot of kids really disliked this one girl a lot and picked on her frequently. One kid in particular used to enjoy making fun of her hairy back. :/ Sadly, I sometimes picked on her too. It's quite weird thinking back on that because I can't think of any other students I used to pick on in my entire grade school experience. My parents later got pissed when they found out and forced me to apologize. I don't know if I meant it or not but regardless of what I felt, I never picked on her again so clearly I learned my lesson at least.

As for why I was losing certain friends, I think it largely had to do with the fact I was extremely immature. Some kid who lived near me was embarrassed by me sometimes despite the fact he was around one or two years younger than me. Yes, I was that immature. The neighbor who replaced him (Kyle) was a year older than me and probably found me even more frustrating. On a brighter note, he did own a Sega Genesis and one of the games he owned was a six games in one cartridge. The game that looked the most interesting to me from that cartridge was Sonic the Hedgehog and that got me interested in the series. A year later, I owned a couple of Sonic games on PC (Sonic 3D Blast and the Sonic & Knuckles Collection <3 <3 <3), some Sonic toys, and started buying Sonic comics from Vons. This kid was to blame for my introduction to the series and the irony is that he didn't even care for the series very much. He thought there was no way in hell I would still be obsessed with the series when I'm much older. Boy was he wrong. :P He also told me what sex was which I thought was really disturbing at the time.I was ten.

3. Later Grade School Years - Marry Peacock Elementary School (2000-2002)

*picture for this era coming soon*
(Currently lack access to photos from 5th and 6th grade.)

After 4th grade, my dad was no longer going to work at the boatyard. While he was dealing with serious back issues at the time and some surgeries, I think the main reason he decided to quit was because he wanted to get back into photography. He was offered photography jobs at two locations: Crescent City and some hot as hell location that was supposed to be really shitty. He chose Crescent City. While probably better than the other place, that isn't saying much. Crescent City is a shitty fucking town. When I moved there, the population was a little over 4,000 people if you exclude the amount of people in the Pelican Bay State Prison. If you include those people too, they made up 45% of the entire population and prisoners sometimes escaped. I've said this to tons of people but when I was around 11 years old, some prisoner escaped and my dad went to go check the garage. Before heading out there, he handed me the phone and told me to call 911 if he wasn't back within a minute. That scared the living fuck out of me and it was almost a minute before he came back. The only great aspect of living at such a shitty town was that the rent was very cheap. For $800 a month, I lived in an awesome two story, four bedroom house. Since my mom and I really did not want to live there, we both scored in the room selection. I got the biggest room in the house while my mom got a nice sized bedroom and another nice sized room that she converted into her office. For comparison, both of her rooms were much nicer than my current bedroom in Grover Beach. My dad however got stuck with the smallest room in the house. Thank god he was nice enough to take the smallest room in the house because my bedroom made living there a lot more tolerable; plus part of my room was later used for my homeschooling.

When I started going to school at Marry Peacock Elementary, their special ed system sucked. Since there were so few special ed kids who went to Marry Peacock, they just put all of the special ed kids from the school in one classroom. The grade range was so ridiculous that the class had sixth graders and a first grader was added to it later into the school year. As you can probably imagine, it was way too damn easy and felt like a joke compared to fourth grade. Outside of the math and science classes I went to, I was under challenged and not making as much progress as I should have. So for sixth grade, the solution was to mainstream me and put me in resource. Since I was still technically in special ed, my grades were modified to where a 50% was considered a C (except for math since I was actually good in that subject). It was a rather awkward setup and the fact my teacher did not know how to deal with a kid that wasn't normal just made the situation much worse. She was kind of a bitch to me and I did not like having her as a teacher.

There was another 6th grade teacher at the school but he was considered a more difficult teacher. For part of the school year, both of the teachers switched classes for part of the day to teach...religious history. It was nothing but stories from the Bible and he treated the stories like pure fact so I just assumed everything I was learning was true. Surprisingly though, I did really damn well with him and got around an 87% on a test. Considering how I once got less than a 50% on a true/false test, I can't help but wonder what the fuck the other teacher was doing wrong. How the hell did I do so damn with this teacher in his history class but continued to do so damn poorly with the other teacher? Well, I once talked to some student who was held back a year that previously had him as a teacher. According to her, he was definitely a better teacher but she also said that our then current 6th grade teacher was easier. This seriously makes me wonder if I would have actually done much better with the harder class simply because he's a better teacher. He was definitely a harder teacher though. Everytime a student got a math problem wrong, that student had to write a paragraph explaining how they messed up. o_O

During this time, my social life wasn't too great. I had some okayish friends in 5th grade from my special ed class, but I stopped hanging out with them sometime after starting 6th grade. I became friends with some kid called Ben and that was pretty much the only friend I made at school that year. People I talked to in the previous school year were people I just talked to less. I later found out Ben lived near me which was pretty cool. Whenever I made a friend from school in the past, they usually lived quite away from where I lived. It's a shame I started losing contact with him sometime while I was homeschooled because he was a pretty decent friend but more on that later.

One story from that school year that I don't think I've ever told anyone is about a game of tag that went terribly wrong. It was some version of it where people were "safe" if they were at some polls. Anyways, while playing the game one day, I went to tag some girl and um, I accidentally tagged an area of her chest I shouldn't have. >_< I had no idea I even did that until after it happened. Like if no-one said anything or ever brought it up in the future, I would've never had any clue. Well, the girl was really pissed and pretty much hated me since then. Like at one recess, some kid walked up to me and told me that girl wanted him to beat me up. He didn't even tell me that in a mad tone or anything. It was more like "Uhhh... That girl wants me to beat you up." I think that news ended up spreading around because some kid once joked about me being a pimp or something. Quite a bit of a fuck-up on my part, but also funny in retrospect. I'm surprised I've never mentioned this story to anyone before.

4. Middle School Years - Beginning of Homeschool (2002-2004)

After I graduated from grade school, my mom decided to home school me. Weird thing is that I don't even think it was my mom's idea. 5th and 6th grade were such fucked up years for my education that my mom (who recently graduated from community college at the time) seemed more likely to do a better job educating me than that school district and she ended up doing a very good job for my middle school years. I learned a lot in 7th and 8th grade, and was making great progress in my education. My mom was able to choose from a large selection of books on what to teach me from and the Charter school system there was just great. While this was a fantastic move for my education, it was a terrible move for my social life. My parents had absolutely no idea I had Asburger's syndrome or even heard of it until I was in middle school. If my mom knew I had it back when I was going to grade school, she might have made some drastically different decisions with my education during my middle school years.

Since I was no longer in a social environment at school, I started to just become more anti-social overtime. While I maintained my friendship with Ben in the early part of my home school education and even went to some play he was part of, I started to just like the idea of being a hermit. My interests weren't really evolving at all, but his were. Overtime, I decided to just hang out with him less and less to the point where I just stopped hanging out. I also didn't go to some other play he was in. I was essentially becoming a shitty friend because I no longer wanted rl friends and that mentality continued for another six years. Many years later, I found out from Poprocks (who lived at Crescent City at the time but never met) that Ben actually mentioned me in the past during some conversation she once had with him. o_O If I was never homeschooled, I would've gone to a middle school that a few people who later played UYA also went to (Poprocks, kill me please, and Novacain). This makes me wonder if my social life in middle school would've been a lot better than my last few years at grade school.

Remember Kevin, that friend I mentioned earlier? I still remained in contact with him after I moved to Crescent City. In fact, there was even one time him and his dad actually drove up there and stayed a short while. I had a pretty decent long distance friendship with him but when I moved to Tahoe in '04, I never told him my new phone number and purposely lost contact with him. Here I had a friend since kindergarten and I decided to just lose contact because I wanted to be anti-social. I don't know what the fuck was wrong with me. I partially blame the fact a lot of people in Crescent City sucked but with my Asburger's syndrome, I should have never left a public school environment entirely. Maybe half day home school would've been a much better idea. I don't know what would've been the best solution since the public school system was just terrible for kids with serious learning issues but probably decent for those who were normal. (Maybe Poprocks could answer whether or not the middle school was decent for normal kids.) It really fucking sucked growing up with my learning issues. Thank god my mom fought hard for my education throughout grade school and middle school or else I would've been so fucked. The school district there kept wanting to take away my special ed badly but I seriously needed it at the time.

5. Early High School Years - UYA Era, Bitches (2004-2005)

After graduating from middle school, I was going to move from Crescent City to South Lake Tahoe. Despite the fact I was a hermit with a huge bedroom in Crescent City, I was so excited to get away from that awful town. My parents were moving for four main reasons. The first reason was that my dad was forced to permanently retire from photo journalism because his back issues became so extreme that a doctor told him he had the back of a 90 year old man. If he stayed there, the local paper might have forced him to do a calling job. The second reason is that Taylo came into our lives. She essentially found us when she was a starving stray cat. The landlord wouldn't allow us to keep the cat (despite being the best tenants he ever had) but I loved that cat so much that my dad did not want to get rid of her. Not to mention my mom loved Taylo as well and my dad grew to like the cat a lot in a very short period of time. The third reason we moved is because the landlord wanted to convert our garage into another house so his 17 year old "Christian boy" son and his fiancee had a place to live at. This would've destroyed the privacy we had at our home and our landlord was committed to doing it. These factors also led to the fourth reason which was that my dad wanted to start an art gallery in Tahoe as a way to sell photographs. With all of these factors in mind, it seemed like a good time to move. Unfortunately, I had to leave behind my fish because they probably would've died in the move truck if we brought them with us. Plus our new cat had us worried about the fish so we gave them to a new owner who looked forward to having them. One of those fish originally became part of our family by living in a cookie jar on my dad's previous boat back when I was 5. For comparison, I was 14 when I gave the fish away. I don't know how long that fish ended up surviving overtime, but it sure lived a long life for a goldfish.

When my dad started his business in Crescent City, I thought it was a terrible location but my parents were convinced the spot they chose in a casino was a good location. Well, it later turned out that spot sucked worse than even I expected. His shop was essentially behind a wall that got barely any foot traffic and since he could not accept casino chips at a casino of all fucking things, he business didn't even last 3 months. He signed a year's contract but was able to pass it off to some other guy who previously opened his business in three different locations. It later turned out that location was so terrible that even that guy failed. I'll never understand what the hell my parents were thinking in choosing that location. I was a stupid special ed kid at the time yet even I realized that location was dumb. My dad also made a couple of other stupid decisions like putting his beautiful photos in the most unimaginative, bland frames that both my mom and his mother thought was a bad idea. Also, his mother paid a lot of money for him to start that business so he really should've taken more of her advice. Even I thought the frames looked bad. They were very expensive frames, but cheap looking.

9th grade was when my education started to go to shit again. While my mom and I had all sorts of options in how to setup my education in Crescent City, the homeschool program in Tahoe was fucking terrible. We had to use a certain set of books and follow extremely strict guidelines. It was so restrictive that I should've just been in public school. The fact my mom also needed to work much more made matters even worse. I was also slacking off in 2005 partially because due to my forum addiction on IG's forum. :/ I was not a great time for my education.

With things not going well, my mom decided to do something different for the first half of 10th grade. Now I started Pre-Algebra in 7th grade and did pretty well in that. Then I began Algebra 1 in 8th grade and also learned quite a bit of the material. Then with 9th grade, I essentially had to start all over with Algebra 1 because of the horrible homeschool program setup. Then in the first half of 10th grade, my mom put me in some thing meant for home schooled students that was...a classroom. Yeah, that kind of defeats the point of homeschool. Granted, students only attended it once a week for two hours each week and that time was spent on two different subjects, but wait a second. That was a terrible system and it was also an extremely slow paced way to learn the material. What fucking idiots designed this homeschool system? Well, even though I still lived in California, the was actually from a Nevada school district. I seriously feel sorry for anyone who gets an education in that state because holy fuck it must be bad. Only good thing to happen to my education in 2005 is that I finally left special ed. One thing worth mentioning from that class is that some girl used to point out the fact my butt jiggled when I laughed. o_O wtf? My mom later told me many, many years later that some girl from that program actually had a crush on me. Never really thought much of that girl's remarks about my jiggly ass until my mom told me that. I'm so oblivious. -_-

6. Later High School Years - My Return to Public Education (2006-2008)

Since my dad's business failed miserably and we were desperate, my grandmother kicked out some tenants so we could move to Grover Beach in 2005. My family had no choice but to leave during the middle of my Fall 2005 semester. This was kind of a shitty time to move. I probably should have tried to enroll in some type of an education system shortly after moving there, but my mom and I were trying to figure out what school system to enroll in. I originally wanted to continue homeschool but she didn't at all. She realized that the material was startng to get much harder for her to teach and that I would be better off in a public school system. We ended up deciding on Lopez High School. I only had to attend three hours each weekday and had barely any homework, but my mom figured it would be a good transition from homeschool. It turned out Lopez was a really good choice largely because I later discovered that I was very unit deficient all thanks to the fact I left that semester when it was only half over. If I completed it, I would've gotten 30 units. Instead, they only gave me 6 and I was considered lucky to even get that 6. With this in mind, making up units would've been a nightmare at a regular high school.

Once I made up the units (took less than a year because the school was really generous with units and I took extra classes for three terms), I decided to try a college class in the next term (there were six terms to a year at that school). Sadly, my studying skills weren't very good and I ended up dropping that class. Probably for the best since I doubt I would've gotten an A on it at the time. Certainly would've passed though. For my Junior year, I decided to just be really lazy by not taking any college classes. I also didn't take any extra classes at Lopez other than the minimal be there for three hours requirement because I didn't need extra units. Probably a bad move on my part because I should've taken a high school level math class or something.

Since Lopez had garbage options for math classes, I couldn't take Geometry or Algebra 2 in high school. But I also needed a certain amount of math units so I was stuck with Algebra 1 until 11th grade. This meant I was taking Algebra 1 for four years of my life because of the terrible home school system in Tahoe and lackluster amount of options at Lopez High School. While some of you might wonder why I didn't just start something like Geometry or Algebra 2 as a college class in 11th grade or something else instead of taking Algebra 1 that year, well, I couldn't. I started Algebra 1 in 8th grade, but had to start over in 9th grade (FUCK YOU AWFUL HOME SCHOOL PROGRAM!) and was in a garbage math class for the first half of tenth grade. In the second half ten grade, I was just put into an earlier level of Algebra 1 than I probably should've been in. I had no idea there were different segments of Algebra 1 (ABCD), I just thought it was some long, very repetitive form of math. Hell, when I started 11th grade, I was put back into Algebra 1 AB again for some strange reason. Then someone at the school realized (Wait the fucking second?) and put me in Algebra 1CD. It fucking angers me that our public school system and Nevada's atrocious home school program is that bad. How the fuck could this have happened? I made excellent progress in math throughout grade school and middle school, but high school was an entirely different story. Now as a 22 year old adult, I'm currently taking Geometry in college because it's a pre-req for my new major (Computer Science). Unless a university is extra nice about transferring, I currently need to take six math classes in a specific order for my major while I'm in community college. That number would be significantly less if only I didn't get so fucked over with idiocy from schools.

Despite how my school was really easy, my math class selection was poor, and my science teacher was fucking horrible, I actually have a positive view of that school. All of my teachers except my science teacher were great, the students were generally friendly, and I learned a lot. I'm glad I went to that school but I wish I did some things differently. For one, I wish I was more aware of Algebra 1's different levels and tried to get into Algebra 1CD as soon as started attending the school. Then later I wish I took Geometry and Algebra 2 college classes since that would've helped me a ton. But my biggest regret from my high school years was my decision to continue being anti-social. I could have had a pretty decent social life in high school since some people clearly would've liked to hang out with me. In 10th grade, there were two people interested in being friends with me. One was some girl that seemed really interested in hanging out and being friends, but I had no interest in doing either which made her kind of sad.Then there was this one kid named Brandon who I met on the last day of 10th grade. He was a massive Nintendo fanboy and really enjoyed talking to me that day. One of my teachers was all, "OMG WHY AREN'T YOU TWO EXCHANGING PHONE NUMBERS???" so I gave him my phone number and he gave me his. I was sick at the time so I told him to not call me but that I would call him when I get better. I never did. In the few times I saw him in 11th grade, sometimes I kind of avoided him. I found out many years later that he was actually Charlotte's previous boyfriend who was dating him at the time. Turns out he had few friends and some of those people turned on him overtime. I already felt like a dick for what I did but later finding that out made me feel much worse. Clearly I fucked up.

In future grades, some other people seemed interested in being friends as well. For 11th grade, one guy who played guitar wanted to do musical related stuff with me but I couldn't care less. Near the end of the school year, some cute blonde model wanted to sign my yearbook. In the nice message she wrote, she said she wanted to hang out sometime and put down her phone number. While I did actually call her a couple of times (partially because I felt like a dick for never calling Brandon), nothing ended up happening. Then in 12th grade, some girl wanted to go to prom with me. I originally mentioned in class one day that I had no interest in going to prom. This caused her to immediately say something like, "What? You don't want to go to your senior prom? I wanted to go to prom with you." There were several times afterwards where she asked and I always responded with something like "no", "nope", or one time when I said "Hmmm... No." Even though I made it clear I didn't want to go with anyone, she ended up not asking anyone else because she didn't want to feel rejected again. :/ She did go to prom at least though. Considering how there were other people at Lopez who enjoyed talking to me besides the people I mentioned, I could've been really damn social in high school.

7. Later High School Years...Online - Not Pretty (2006-2008)

Instead of socializing with other people, I always preferred being at home. Why? Because I would rather spend that time being a jackass on this damn site, being a douchebag on other sites, and spending hours upon hours IMing people. For two good examples of things I preferred doing over socializing, I have reopened the Jamesio Forum and Insomnihaxors forum. What were these sites? The Jamesio Forum was a joke site I created under my Dr. Mysterious alt account. The IG Forum topic I made about it grew really damn huge in only two days and resulted in a lot of hilarity. As for Insomnihaxors, it was a site designed with the intention of organizing massive spam attacks against IG's forum. While nobody else participated in the two attacks I did, the first attack was probably the most successful attack ever done by only one person on that site. I'm not proud of my actions and I highly regret spamming IG's forum, but that site and my spam attacks are part of my history. It's a pathetic part of my history, but one that reflects the person I used to be. I have loads of regrets and could have spent those years so much better. Instead, I was a loser and enjoyed being one but only for so long.

On December 27, 2006. I had a bit of a mental breakdown and started to hate who I was becoming. I made two significant topics that day: one on IFV2 and the other one on MyResistence. The former was posted because I wanted to apologize for being such a dick. The latter was a topic posted on MyResistence where I admitted to doing those spam attacks and apologized to the admins for what I've done. I also remember talking to both yashmaf and comandoracht in a group chat convo on IMs that night about the situation. Ever since then, I have tried to be a nicer person. I still had my moments where I was a total prick (with a convo I had with jackvancouver likely being my douchebaggery at its absolute worst), but I'm definitely a lot nicer than I used to be. I'm can be brutally honest at bad times but I don't consider myself an asshole anymore.

Part of the reason why I was so anti-social was due to how despicable I was on the internet. I didn't want anyone I knew irl to find out about that. (Though in future irony, one of my rl friends actually knows about this site nowadays and that I used to be a jackass on the internet.) It was essentially my secret life online and as far as I was concerned, nobody in my area was going to find out about it and absolutely no-one on the internet was ever going to find me. This was one of the reasons why I lied about being homeschooled for so long and why I used to be so secretive about my appearance. I was extremely paranoid that being honest about attending a public school would make it easier for people to find me, especially since Lopez was so weird in its format and had very few students compared to most schools. I also didn't want to be honest about going to a school that I only needed to attend three hours every weekday because of all the insults I've gotten in the past about my intelligence. I apologize for my past lies and really wish I did things differently. I used to have a pretty positive view of my teenage years when I was younger but now I hate who I was. I fucking sucked as a human being. As Sliced Bread put it best earlier in this thread, I enjoyed being the forum's "freak" and preferred that over living a normal life. But fortunately, my priorities began to change in my sophomore year of college which I'll explain in a future blog entry: A retrospective look of my current college years. Thanks for reading. It's great to have my personal board back.

TL;DR: Fuck you for not reading.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Gender specific lyrics - mostly just applies to females.

One thing I find amusing is the fact if a girl sang lyrics from a song by a male vocalist, the lyrics are usually genderless unless the lyrics are about wanting to fuck women (unless of course a girl is bi or lesbian). With female vocalists, it's an entirely different situation. I do not listen to very many female artists, but I have 948 plays for Lady Gaga, 739 plays for Lilly Allen, 292 plays for Heart (I seriously need to check out more albums by them), and 190 plays for Nico. All of these artists make songs that are embarrassing for a male to sing. To prove a point, I'm going to take a section of lyrics for some of my most listened to songs by these artists.

Lady Gaga - Marry the Night
I'm gonna marry the night
I won't give up on my life
I'm a warrior queen
Live passionately tonight

I'm gonna marry the dark
Gonna make love to the stark
I'm a soldier to my own emptiness
I am a winner
Lady Gaga - Heavy Metal Lover
I want your whiskey mouth
All over my blonde south
Red wine, cheap perfume and a filthy pout
Tonight bring all your friends
Because a group does it better

Why river with a pair?
Let's have a full house of leather
Lilly Allen - The Fear
I want to be rich and I want lots of money
I don't care about clever I don't care about funny
I want loads of clothes and fuckloads of diamonds
I heard people die while they are trying to find them

And I'll take my clothes off and it will be shameless
'Cuz everyone knows that's how you get famous
I'll look at the sun and I'll look in the mirror
I'm on the right track, yeah I'm on to a winner
Lilly Allen -  Not Fair
Oh, he treats me with respect,
He says he loves me all the time,
He calls me 15 times a day,
He likes to make sure that im fine,
You know I've never met a man,
Whose made me feel quite so secure,
He's not like all them other boys,
They're all so dumb and immature.

There's just one thing,
That's getting in the way,
When we go up to bed your just no good,
its such a shame!
I look into your eyes,
I want to get to know you,
And then you make this noise,
and its apparently its all over
 Heart - Barracuda
So this ain't the end - I saw you again today
Had to turn my heart away
You smiled like the Sun - kisses for everyone
and tales - it never fails!

You lying so low in the weeds
Bet you gonna ambush me
You'd have me down on my knees
Wouldn't you, Barracuda?
  Heart - Magic Man
Cold, late night so long ago
when I was not so strong you know
A pretty man came to me
I never seen eyes so blue
You know, I could not run away it seemed
we'd seen each other in a dream
Seemed like he knew me....he looked right through me....yeah

"Come on home, girl" he said with a smile
"you don't have to love me yet, let's get high awhile
But try to understand...try to understand
Try, try, try to understand.....I'm a magic man"
Nico - Evening of Light
Midnight winds are landing at the end of time
Midnight winds are landing at the end of time
In the morning of my winter
When my eyes are still asleep
In the morning of my winter
When my eyes are still asleep
A dragonfly laying in a coat of snow
I'll send to kiss your heart for me
A dragonfly laying in a coat of snow
I'll send to kiss your heart for me
 Nico - Roses in the Snow
He came your way
And when he had to go
There were roses growing in the snow
Silently you'll go to the shadow of your soul
And you know that it was like this before we had to go

You will never see these lights
Glowing in your nights
Until you feel this way
The only one of these four lyricists that doesn't make very girly music is Nico. I actually struggled to find girly music by her hence why these examples are what I chose. But her music is also creepy as fuck so it makes sense a lot of her lyrics aren't very gender specific. At the same time, she still uses common female lyric choices like referencing roses and talking about kisses.

With Lady Gaga, Lily Allen, and Heart however, they made a lot of music that would be very embarrassing for a male vocalist to cover. I can't think of a single one of the male artists I listen to that made a lot of lyrics that would be embarrassing for women to sing. Hell, even a lot of Beatles songs which talk about girls were sung by a lot of female fans. I just find this a fascinating gender dynamic when it comes to song writing and wonder if it's because of my musical tastes, or if this is pretty typical.


Saturday, February 11, 2012

Facebook parenting gone terribly wrong.

For those who don't know, this video that was uploaded three days ago by a pissed off parent already has over fourteen million views. A lot of people feel this was some great revenge video that (SPOILERS!) ends with him shooting his daughter's laptop all because she bitched about her parents on Facebook WHILE USING VULGARITY! GASP! Considering how he worked on his daughter's computer the previous day and made it clear she set her privacy settings to where her parents weren't supposed to see it, he was only able to read that Facebook post by going on her account which I consider a violation of her privacy. If he respected her privacy, this video wouldn't even exist. For parents who think this is a great revenge story about unappreciative kids, maybe this will influence some parents to have less respect for the privacy of their kid(s). Since the guy seemed like a redneck, perhaps he's preaching to the right crowd about having less respect for privacy in the name of revenge.

One thing that needs to be kept in mind is that teenagers bitch about their parents all the fucking time, especially on the internet. While I haven't complained about my parents much on Facebook except for my mom's alcoholism (she's often a nightmare when she's drunk), I complained about my parents a lot on forums when I was a teenager. Yes, his daughter is disrespectful, but at least she had her privacy settings set to high to where only her friends could see it. To some parents, the idea of their kids bitching about them online just angers them beyond belief even if only their friends can see it. While I never plan to have kids, hypothetically, if I did have kids, I wouldn't give a rat's ass if they bitched about me online because I did the same fucking thing. If that parent had access to internet when he was a teenager, he probably would have done the same damn thing as well because I'll be damned if he didn't used to bitch about his parents to his friends. That's not to say I wouldn't feel hurt by the statements his daughter wrote, but it's nowhere near as big of an issue as he makes it out to be. It's not like she made a YouTube video with the purpose of humiliating and insulting her parents that ended up going viral for millions to see. Now that would be a jackass move.

When it came to how he punished her besides the worldwide humiliation aspect, he chose to do so by deciding to make her life harder AND destroying her laptop. While the former is an understandable punishment, the latter goes too far. Instead of destroying that laptop, how about doing something less destructive but still gets the point across. It sends a point that destruction is a valid way to punish a kid WHICH SENDS A REALLY FUCKED UP MESSAGE ESPECIALLY SINCE THIS VIDEO WENT RIDICULOUSLY VIRAL! Even my dad, who has some serious anger issues, taught me destroying things out of anger was totally unacceptable and I realized that from a young age. I once had a friend who's dad used to destroy his games and video game systems when the kid fucked up, and that kid did not have a positive view of his father at all. Kids and teenagers are fucking stupid. They make dumb mistakes; that's normal. From how the father reacted, this sounds like this is the worst thing his kid has ever done. OH NO, MY SPOILED ROTTEN DAUGHTER WHO I SPOILED ROTTEN LACKS RESPECT FOR HER PARENTS! BOO! HOO! HOO! He has all the right to be pissed, but he took this way over the top. He should re-evaluate his parenting skills and try to figure out why his daughter is so disrespectful. Hell, if my parents were violating my privacy, my respect for them would definitely drop a ton. This video somehow made me more sympathetic to his disrespectful, spoiled rotten daughter than the guy who clearly isn't getting enough respect at home...and maybe for some valid reasons.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

My top ten most listened to artists in 2011 for overall song plays.

1. Rammstein (881 plays)
2. Judas Priest (859 plays)
3. Lady Gaga (690 plays)
4. Candlemass (540 plays)
5. Black Sabbath (446 plays)
6. The Black Ghosts (401 plays)
7. King Crimson (382 plays)
8. Gorillaz (334 plays)
9. Pink Floyd (321 plays)
10. Queen (305 plays)

I did this last year so I thought I'd do it again. Just looking at this list compared to last year, I've been listening to more modern artists this year and my music has been a lot more electronic. I'm a bit embarrassed to have so many Lady Gaga plays, but oh well. >_> Only albums I've listened to that came out last year are Lady Gaga's Born This Way (21 album plays) and The Black Ghosts' When Animals Stare (24 album plays). While I enjoyed both albums a lot, neither albums were amazing by any means but they're fun to listen to. Not sure what is my favorite artist I discovered this year, but Candlemass's debut album is amazing, most of Rammstein's discography is really strong, and Judas Priest made some pretty awesome albums.

One thing I find kind of funny is that 11th place goes to Naofumi Hataya (298 plays) and 12th goes to Masafumi Ogata (254 plays) all because of Sonic CD's soundtrack. The album is less than 80 minutes long yet it has 42 songs mostly by those 2 specific artists. Even though I've only listened to that album 15 times, I would have 552 plays for those artists if I combined both of their plays. For comparison, I have a total of 596 plays for Reverend Bizarre and if you were to count all the times I listened to an album by that artist, I would have 77 albums plays. Kind of funny how much overall song plays can poorly represent how much I listen to an artist, especially since all of the albums by Reverend Bizarre are over an hour long.