1. A gentleman is never unintentionally rude.
2. A gentleman always dresses appropriately.
3. A gentleman never bribes a maître d'.
4. A gentleman never has more than one cocktail before dinner.
These four are understandable.
5. A gentleman never takes more than one minute to decide on his meal.
Eh. Some menus have a lot of options. Taking 10-15 minutes is a bit extreme, but only having 1 fucking minute to decide a meal? Bullshit.
6. A gentleman never talks about golf with women present.
What if a woman is into golf? >_>
7. A gentleman does not remove his shoes under the table or play footsie.
8. A gentleman does not table-hop
9. A gentleman does not frequent any restaurant so loud that he cannot hold a conversation with the person across from him.
10. A gentleman never drinks beer from a bottle at a restaurant.
Fair enough, but how many guys table hop? <_<
11. A gentleman does not use sugar substitutes.
wat. This is when the entire article starts to get really fucking stupid. I mean seriously, how is this rude? Does doing this make a person look so cheap that it makes a date uncomfortable to the point where she's worried about ordering something too expensive? This just doesn't make any sense.
12. A gentleman always gets up from his chair when a woman gets up from hers or approaches the table.
Yeah, that's pretty gentleman like.
13. A gentleman does not drink water with a lime or lemon slice in it.
A lot of restaurant serve water with a lemon slice in it. HOW IS DRINKING WHAT'S BEING SERVED TO YOU CONSIDERED RUDE? If anything, some smartass could make an argument that taking a lemon slice out is saying "fuck you" to the person who just served you for not serving the water in their preference.
14. A gentleman never has his cell phone on the table.
15. A gentleman never discusses the price of a meal or wine.
Yeah, these are very reasonable suggestions that should be common sense.
16. A gentleman never overtips.
I can understand a girl being annoyed if her date tipped some hot waitress a fuckload of money but um, a lot of these employees are way underpaid or get tipped horribly. Under tipping is far, far worse. Back when I was in fifth grade, my math teacher taught us how to tip properly and told us a story where some waitress did a really great job servicing her customers but yet a group of people only gave her a dollar for the tip. This caused my teacher put some of his money on that table without the waitress knowing so she would think her customers tipped fairly. NOW THAT'S A FUCKING GENTLEMAN!
17. A gentleman always orders after his guests do.
Never thought about it before, but it makes sense.
18. A gentleman never orders salad as a main course.
WHAT? ORDERING A SALAD IS FUCKING RUDE? The subtext says "Where's the Beef?" implying that a person should be ordering something fattening or else they're being rude. My only conclusion as to why this would make sense is the fact a lot of guys go out to dinner with women in an effort to get laid. If someone ate a really filling meal, why would anyone want to fuck soon after eating? Ideally, a true gentleman wouldn't even intend on having his dinner be a way into a girl's pants so I guess there's an expectation he should eat something that would make him not want to fuck? I don't know. I just can't figure out why eating a salad could be considered rude.
19. A gentleman never applauds when the chef comes out.
WHO APPLAUDS WHEN A CHEF COMES OUT? WHO??? This is the most useless suggestion ever. The only circumstance I could imagine that would make anyone want to applaud a chef is if he did a trick which would then call for applause. I can't believe whoever wrote this probably makes more money in a year than my parents' combined income from the last five years. ._.
20. A gentleman takes his mother out to dinner at least four times a year.
Four times a year? That's an average of once every three months. What if the mom lived far away, it's near the end of the year, and someone hasn't filled their four paid dinners a year quota? Is some person going to pay for a flight so his mother can come down for a paid dinner just so this guy maintains his "gentleman" title? I know this question is fucking stupid but this article is even dumber.
21. A gentleman lets his father take him out to dinner four times a year.
WHAT IF SOMEONE'S PARENTS AREN'T DIVORCED? Is this going to cause a huge argument at the end of dinner over who gets to pay? Think of this scenario: a person's parents live far away and when they come to visit, they're always together as a couple. How fucking realistic is it for a gentleman to be able to pay for at least four dinners for his mom and let his dad pay for four dinners every year until one of his parents drops dead? The subtext is "Let Dad Be a Dad" but if both parents always attend dinner together, that's nearly impossible without breaking rule #20. God I hate this article.
22. A gentleman does not sniff the cork but merely glances at it to see if the vintage is the same as on the bottle label.
People sniff corks? Okay... I did not know this. Why would anyone start sniffing a cork during a date? Doing that would cause a normal girl to think there's something wrong with you. :|
23. A gentleman never says more than three words about the quality of a wine served.
"That was wonderful wine." OH FUCK, FOUR WORDS! YOU RUDE SON OF A BITCH!
24. A gentleman should always quietly dispute an error on a check with the manager.
At least the writer had the decency to end this article with good advice, but god this article is stupid and a lot of the pictures for it were just as bad. Seriously, go look at the pictures. The one for cork sniffing made me want to keyboardpalm so hard that it would have destroyed this typing device if I lacked self control. Also, the guy for "a gentleman always dresses appropriately" looks unbelievably miserable because he has to wear that tux. What type of fucking gentleman causes people to be depressed just from looking at them? Why must these articles always have pictures where you can tell the people in these stupid scenarios are full of thick, hard stools? Goddamn... This article is so bad that it inspired me to create this blog. That's pretty bad.
-William
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